Down the Rabbit hole
by RGoodfellow64
Summary: What happens when Kate falls down the Rabbit hole of her Mothers murder?


**Down the Rabbit hole**

by RGoodfellow64

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Castle, the characters, ABC or anything else about the show. Don't get any money for these stories either, although I get some nice comments from people. Authors note will follow story.

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**WARNING:** This is not light and fluffy. It is dark and unsettling. Heck, I wrote it and it bothers me!

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Kate Beckett got up every morning at the same time. She had been doing it for years and today was no exception.

Following her normal routine she made herself a cup of coffee and turned on the computer for the news and any mail. Not that she ever really got any mail. It has been nothing but spam. 'With all the improvements in computer technology, they still can't get rid of spam?' she thought.

Her cup of coffee in hand she noticed an announcement from the Richard Castle Website. She opened it up, excited to see what the news was and stopped still. She was frozen in place as she read the words that Richard Castle had died the night before, surrounded by family and close friends.

She looked up from the screen at the photo over her desk, Ryan and Esposito were giving each other a fist bump, she was standing over Esposito, smiling at the camera and Castle was by her side, eyes glued on her. To her left was Captain Montgomery, with a paternal smile for them all. His team.

She looked at the date in the corner when it was taken, April 2011. Happier times.

Looking back at the screen she saw a testimonial from Alexis for her father. She clicked on it and read the words though they didn't hold much meaning. Not that they weren't beautiful, but because she was remembering the last time she saw Castle. He was a groomsman at Lanie and Esposito's wedding. She had gone stag as Josh had broken up with her after a horrible fight. He actually suggested she needed therapy, and said he was afraid to be with her!

She looked at the photo on her desk, which was from Lanie's wedding; a group shot of Lanie and Javier's friends from work. Everyone was smiling at the camera but now the tables were turned and _she_ was looking at Castle. He had been standing to Lanie's left, but when she joined the group, he moved over to the other side, away from her. He never said a word.

She didn't blame him. What she did to him was terrible but necessary. She could not let him go with her to face death and leave Alexis alone. With stunning clarity, that day came back to her.

"We're partners Kate. Partners. I said 'always', meant it then and mean it now."

"We are _not_ 'partners' Castle, you're a playboy writer living out a dream and I am a real detective who works for a living."

"You will die Kate. What about those who love you?"

"It's my life Castle, and I can do with it what I please! And don't mention my Dad, he survived my Mom and he can survive it if I die too."

"I'm talking more than your Dad Kate."

"I'm not blind Castle. I see the way you look at me. But I don't feel the same…"

"You don't feel the same? What about LA? What about being a one writer girl? What about when we kissed? You _cannot_ tell me you didn't feel anything Kate, a kiss is about as personal as you can get!"

"It was a kiss Castle. I moaned and acted like it meant something to throw the guard off."

"What about the dirty bomb? The freezer? My God you almost died in my arms! Don't tell me there's nothing between us!"

"There's friendship Castle. You are my work friend. That's all. There is nothing else between us."

He was almost pleading, "Kate, we are so in sync, everyone says…"

"I don't care what everyone says Castle, I don't love you or think of you in any way other than a friend. My God are you blind? Why did I decide to date Tom? You were around. After you left and I broke up with Tom I met Josh. Why am I still with Josh and not with you if there is something between us?"

He looked at her in shock as she put the final nails in their relationship, "Castle, with Josh I have a _man_, why would I want to dump him for a lovesick puppy?"

She sees again the shock and hurt in his eyes, "Go home Castle. Go home to your daughter, your books and your life and leave me in mine. Your fifteen minutes is up. Now go away."

She had never seen his eyes like that. They looked dead. She had killed something in him, but she knew it was for the best. Once she caught the man who ordered her Mother's death, she could make it up to him. Once he was caught, everything would be fine. Castle _had_ to realize that finding her Mothers killer was more important to her than her own happiness. How could she ever be happy without that closure?

A sentence caught her eye in the testimonial, Captain Kevin Ryan, NYPD and Detective Javier Esposito, Jr. will be pall bearers at the funeral. Kate turned to her left and looked at the murder board on her wall. Surrounding the empty photo with a question mark for the unknown "dragon" was her mother and her three colleagues. In the upper right corner was the photo of Captain Montgomery, dead these 35 years, and next to him the photo of Detective Esposito, dead for 28 years. Someone else caught in the crossfire of her trying to find the "dragon."

He left Lanie a widow with two small children. Lanie actually spit on her and told her not to come to the funeral. That was Kate's third and last suspension for going rogue. They took her gun away after that and she was assigned to the archives, where she spent the remainder of her career. But the wealth of information that was there helped her get even closer to the bastard who ruined her life.

She looked once more at the website and saw a photo of Castle, his daughter and grandchildren, along with his friends, their children and grandchildren at the Hamptons this past summer. They were all smiling and having a good time.

Was it the light or a problem with the monitor? She looked again at Castle in the photo and expanded it till his face filled the screen. His eyes. They still looked dead.

Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD, Retired, closed the window and opened a search. She would find the "dragon", she would find him and bring him to justice, for her Mother, Montgomery, Esposito, and now Castle; she _will_ do it.

And she knows that once she finds him everything will be fine.

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**Authors Note: Although I have been trying to work on chapter 10 of Is Forever Possible, this started running around in my head this morning and is based on the preview seen at the end of "Pretty Dead." I have not seen any other spoilers or sneak peeks since all they do is take things out of context and get me riled up before the show. But following what I saw in the preview I took the logic to its final and irrational conclusion. Believe me this is NOT how I want things to go. **

**Now that this is out of my head I hope I can get back to Is Forever Possible before the finale. **


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